3 months and not 4 months!!!!Thanksgiving marked 4 months since surgery and diagnosis on August 26th.

What a perfect time to think about gratitude!

If you have not read “The unexpected joy of the Ordinary” by Catherine Gray, I highly recommend it. She talks about the science of gratitude and how it actually changes our brains. More importantly for me she explains that, from her research, “The extraordinary is not where the cellular level happiness is at. It’s in the ordinary. Infinitesimal workaday moments that are a brief flash of sunlight”

I read this book a few years ago and took her advice to write gratitude every day. I did not write the 8 recommended but 3 per day and I thought about the small moments in my day that brought me happiness. I remember it being much more powerful than the big sweeping statements of gratitude that can become repetitive and actually lose their power.

So when we went around the table and talked about what we were grateful for, of course family is top of my list!!! When I dig deeper though it is the small moments of joy with my family and tribe: Here are 8 gratitude moment from the last few days, off the top of my head the list could go on!!!!!!!

• Sophie putting decorations on the tree
• Grandkids aged 2-12 years playing together
• Watching the river change each day on my walks
• Picture messages from my kids showing me about their day.
• Texts from my Warrior Angels
• Watching the sky change color
• Dave cooking me nutritious dinners
• Detox juice delivered to my doorstep
• Lying reading my book in the morning.

How am I really doing?

Honestly, all things considered, I am doing well! I am on week 3 of a 4 week break from any treatment so no radiotherapy, no chemo drugs and I am weaning off the seizure and steroid meds. Each day I feel stronger and more balanced. I keep up my routine of yoga, nap, walk, read and PT. I sleep well at night and my knitting is getting easier. I am still not gaining back any weight despite the delicious keto food that the meal train provided for us and the keto chocolate that I eat constantly. I know it was all muscle that I lost and I need to put the work in to get that back!!! Do I have my moments of sadness? You bet I do!!! However, I don’t fixate on that. I allow the emotion in, acknowledge it and then let it go. Just like my yoga teachers have taught me over the years!!!!

Radiotherapy pretty much kicked my butt!!! Left me bald on the right side and the swelling in my brain brought back many of the post operation symptoms. I was not a happy camper but tried to maintain my positive outlook. I have 4 weeks with no treatments and no chemo. I then get an MRI to see how much and how quickly the tumor is growing. from here we will decide next steps. Dave and I realized we needed a break. So I planned this trip based on an idea by Peace Vans of Seattle. I follow them on Instagram, check them out they have great trip ideas. My goal for the trip was to get to the wild ocean and breath in all the positive ions, walk the beaches, eat good food, be outside as much as possible and read a good book!!

• We walked 17 miles, mostly on beaches
• Ate great keto food every night
• Slept really well
• Felt strong enough to do a little balancy yoga.
• Kept up my PT
• Read a fantastic book.
• Listened to more podcasts
• Knitted some of the Icelandic sweater
• Took daily naps
• Thought about what I have to be grateful for, turns out quite a lot!!!!

Here are the trip details!!!!

Leg 1 North Bend to Beverley Beach State Park. Thursday 18th 2021

We left rain and wind in North Bend mid morning and drove south through Portland to arrive at Beverly Beach state park in the dark and rain! Still we had time for a quick leg stretch to check out the Pacific Ocean. It was stunning! The tide was coming in and the wind was up. Dinner, and then we settled into our cozy camper to get ready for the adventures ahead.

Friday 19th November

After a lovely, warm and cozy sleep in the camper we lay reading and drinking tea. Heaven!

We went back to look at the beach that we could not really see last night. The tide was coming in and we walked just a little ways to get a sense of where we were. Back to camp for breakfast to fuel up for a walk to Devils Punch bowl.

Walking to Devils Punchbowl as the tide was going out was a little trickier than I expected. My balance was thrown off by the waves and moving sand. Too much for my brain. We reached a point where I felt we needed to retreat! I tried a warrior on a log.. thank goodness for Dave to encourage me. We found awesome fossils on the beach.

“Geologically speaking, Oregon coast fossils are found in three formations: the Astoria Formation, 15- to 20-million-year-old sandstone layers mixed with com- pressed volcanic ash; Nye mudstone, up to 20 million years old; and on south coast stretches of beach, Coledo Formation specimens of dark ash and sand, “

Back to camp for a nap and lunch before heading out to Yaquina head lighthouse. This was such a treat! Wild ocean, tidepools, blue sky and a lighthouse. Awesome!!!

After dinner, we sat and read around the solo stove. I am reading a really inspiring book called “Inside ” by Susan Marie Conrad. It is her account of a solo paddle up the inside passage from Anacortes to Alaska. An amazing account of determination and persistence plus lots of interesting detail of tides, and currents. Once we got too cold we retired to our cozy camper and settled in for the night.

Leg #2 Beverley Beach to Nehalem Bay. Saturday November 20th

Today we head to Nehalem Bay for phase 2 of the trip but first another walk to the beach to check out the Pacific Ocean and look for agates. None to be found! No matter, we packed up Flo and set out. First stop Devil’s Punchbowl, that had eluded us the previous day.

There were many surfers and SUP surfers trying to catch tasty waves but to no avail. They looked like seals bobbing in the water.

Nehalem Bay is everything I wanted! We came here with the kids many years ago and couldn’t get a site: it was summertime at that time , much quieter now. Long sandy Beach, gorgeous sunsets and no rain!! We have been so fortunate with the weather.

We settled into camp and after a lovely dinner and made plans for a walk on Manzanita Beach the following day.

We woke to a cold morning but with blue skies. Dave went for a bike ride as I knitted an Icelandic style sweater for Rex. Good brain therapy!!!!

Dave and and spent our 30th wedding anniversary here 7 years and a month ago. It was good to walk down memory lane!!! But oh what a different year. Funny what life throws at you!!!

Manzanita

This place holds a special place in my heart. Dave and I spent our 30th wedding anniversary here. We played on the beach and drank champagne. How times have changed! it was good to walk down memory lane!!! But oh what a different year. Funny what life throws at you!!!

Leg 3 Nehalem Bay to Cape Disappointment. We thought this might be our first rained out day but the storm came through in the night. We could hear the waves pounding the shore and rain on the roof. However, we woke to another lovely day. Time for an other lighthouse walk before packing up for home. This is the place that Lewis and Clark ended their westward expedition. The interpretation boards so a reasonable job of recognizing that this are was inhabited by the Chinook People before explorers!

Chinook blessing:https://www.confluenceproject.org/library-post/chinook-blessing/

Guess the Song!!! From 1972. This singer changed the way many of us saw the world and humanity. I think of this song often when things in my life change!

There are many, many other songs about change too.. how many do you know? Here is just one quick internet search. Which resonates with you?

20 Best Songs About Change & Transformation

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t want to be a richer one
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the stranger)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different one
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

This diagnosis has been such a huge change to my life, that clearly has needed some deep reflection , particularly after the radiotherapy weeks which felt so hard!

However though it’s hard to think about change I realize that life is constantly changing and I have deliberately made many changes in my life over the last years. Not least moving from Britain to Canada and then the United States taking with us four small children. Huge change! Moving from country to country to country from family to no family, job to no job, home to no home. What was it that made these changes manageable and exciting? What can I learn from that to apply to my current change reality?

I like to listen to podcasts and stumbled across this one by Maya Shanka , a Dare to lead Podcast hosted by Brene Brown. Shankar is a cognitive neuroscientist and she asks the question ” How do we figure out who we are and a new way to walk through the world when we are knocked off our path? Wow!!! What a question!

She goes on to say that change threatens our sense of self identity. Brene adds that the greatest shame trigger is the threat of being irrelevant!

Shankar suggests that we carry a black-and-white model of change in our minds but that change is a core part of the human experience and she suggests that we need to dissociate from the specifics of the change and look at the bigger picture. Do I really need to look at my identity in a new way? What fitted then and what still fits now? I am still Dawn, I’m happy I’m just in the process of redefining who am but am I really? Aren’t I just the same?

I love my family. I love my friends and my community. I love the outdoors. I love healthy living. I take care of my mental health and build my relationships, and find ways to maintain happiness . Those things have not changed! They might look a little different but they are still part of who I am.

Human beings are complex we can’t have everything figured out change/shit happens whether we like it or not so so embrace change and you never know what you can achieve!

So now Dave and I are heading to the Oregon coast “So I can stare at the coastline and think about all the things that have led me to where I am right now, standing on solid ground. I’ve got my best suit on and I am ready. I’ve got my sleeves rolled up and I’ll be on my way. You’re going to see me rise rise!

Rise by Calum Scott

Friday November 11th 2021 Today was my last day for radiotherapy and my last day of us driving to Issaquah Swedish, putting on this mask, and having my brain zapped with radio waves. So the next phase of this adventure begins. I get a month break where my plan is to to get my strength back on my left side so that I can hike, paddleboard and maybe even do some skiing!!

I am so excited to get working!

Once home, my schedule will be all about strengthening!!! I need to be ready for the next step in this adventure! Whatever that brings! 6-12 months of chemo for sure.

First up next week, I have a bunch of follow up appointments with my oncologist, my naturopathic oncologist and my physical therapy person at Swedish. Once those appointments are done Dave and I will head off for a 5 day trip to Oregon in the camper. I am very excited for that. I plan on soaking in as much ocean air as I can, going on long walks and eating good keto food. I have a sweater to finish knitting and lots of books to read so our evenings will be cozy and warm especially with my wonderful wooly socks.

I am so grateful for all the love and support I have received over this last 2.5 months since diagnosis on August 24th. You all are amazing. You lift me up🥰💖

This is the last week of radio radiation and they are doing what they are calling a boost so I get a regular blast to the cells around the brain but then I get a focused blast to the base of the tumor in the hopes that it will kill the cancerous cells that they didn’t get out with the surgery.

So I think this week is going be another tough week I get unbalanced and additionally it is hard to focus but I can do this I can finish this radiation strong!

I’m very much looking forward to 4 weeks off with no radiation and no chemo before I start the next phase of treatment which is double dose chemo for 6 to 12 months we will see what adventures that brings! In the meantime I plan on trying to get strong so I can hike up at least summit West as the snow is flying.

My family are amazing they come and cook me food and support me on my slow walks along the river.

As always thank you to the Warrior angels for your constant Is encouragement and words of positivity.

It was not the best week so I am glad it is over. I was told that I would get symptoms back but did not realize how awful it would be! I could not walk upright., move my left arm well or use the computer. I was really concerned. luckily Thomas and Kyla were here to help out and support me in advocating for myself. So, on my Tuesday appointment I was all ready to ask for an MRI . the doctor was equally concerned and ordered one no questions. The good news was that there is no bleeding and no new tumor growth.. PHEW!!!

A few days on steroids and I feel a little better. Still walking but resting a lot.

Thank goodness for my family and tribe of warrior angels!!! My wonderful kids come and cook for me and keep me company. Grandkids read books with me and play. My warrior angels continue to provide daily inspiration and nutritious food and walk with me. Life is good.

One more week of radiation and I get a 4-week break. Dave and I are going to escape to the Oregon coast for a break in the camper. before a stronger dose of chemo.. the next phase. I’ve got this!!!!

I just need to poop and life will be complete… sorry TMI 🙂