When I was pregnant with Thomas I read all the usual baby books, Penelope Leach etc.

I soon came to realize that there was more to raising children than having them sleep on a schedule!

I realized that I could get cranky when I had to ask them the same thing multiple times. Such as you are going to be late for school. Get up and have breakfast. I am sure I probably raised my voice on a number of occasions. Ask the kids!

I may not have been as mindful of a parent as I wanted to be, but I can be an incredibly mindful grandparent. I can learn new tricks, the book offers exercises to help. Identify triggers and ways to make different choices in my reactions. Making good choices depends on our ability to process the upper parts of our brain in order to stress response. This part of the brain does not fully develop until early adulthood!

Bottom line

Control my stress response through mindfulness

Say what I see and don’t try to just fix the problem

I think my kids have read this book as this is what they all do.

Here are some examples.

Steve at Daisy’s wedding, saw that Sophie wanted to dance but was shy. He validated her feelings then encouraged her to show her fabulous moves. She danced long into the night, glo sticks flying!

Thomas and Kyla

When rex is hurt. They ask him to tell them what happened and how he feels by showing how much he hurts not fixing the problem but letting him talk it out.

Mark and daisy are teaching Morgan and Merritt to choose their words carefully when expressing opinions, replacing “yuk” with “this is not my favorite”.

Anna is so patient with Roland as he works on his goals. Never pushing or getting mad, but guiding him to success and respecting when he has had enough. Potty training is hard but Anna is taking it slow, at Roland pace. They will get there eventually with no shaming or blame but gentle encouragement.

I am so proud of my 👪

I just love the ideas I find on Instagram.

I plan on being a grandparent that follows my kids lead,  Listening without judging

Controlling my emotions and responding with empathy not solutions unless asked for. Let’s see how I  do!

https://www.funeralguide.co.uk/help-resources/arranging-a-funeral/planning-the-service/funeral-poems/she-is-gone-he-is-gone

I am not sure which line of this poem is my favorite! Probably the last, “you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on” the question is how?

The book talks about 6 strategies. As a list maker. I wrote them all out!however the book boiled down to the last sentence. Accept and move on with your life. That’s what I want everyone to do. Enjoy your one precious life and don’t dwell in the past.

Stages of grief:

• Anxiety
• Anger
• Helplessness
• Relief
• Sadness
• Confusion
• Acceptance

The book has a lot of background research to support the central theme of how to grieve healthily. ” you can shed tears because she is gone or you can smile because she has lived” a powerful message. So read the book if you will but iam not going to go into all that you will be glad to hear!

So what is the magic formula to dealing with the loss? Well no big surprises really.

• a strong meditation and gratitude practice
• Eat well
• Exercise
• Allow all the emotions
• Take care of your tribe

There are said to be a number of stages of grief. The author says that they do not need to be experienced linearly. The other day I was sitting looking at rising wild and felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I allowed the feeling then moved on. Covid has kept me from my family that has been hard. I think that is where the sadness came from.

How do I fill the gap between Adventurer to not?

From trail runner to sofa sitter?

Santosha: contentment

One of the yoga niyamas, values practiced in life.

What is Santosha? – Definition from Yogapedia

It denotes contentment and a lack of desire for what others have. The term is derived from the Sanskrit and reminds us to enjoy the in between moments of joy. This is where it is important to meditate and be in the moment. My walk to arete is always an adventure! My adventures have a new look.

Young children have no preconceived ideas about what they should be doing. They just Do! Dig in the sand, delight in finding a crab shell, get excited when they can count to 10. Not rushing to the next thing with big expectations. This is my lesson. My life is one big adventure. No I am not hiking or skiing but I can see the mountains from my walks and I can sit on my paddleboard with help from my tribe. In between, I can enjoy conversations with friends. My life is full. There is no gap other than what my ego tells me.

My update:

What I can do:

• Scratch my head with left hand
• Open and close left hand
• Squats for the whole song.
• Wash my hands
• Stand and balance with my eyes closed.

I have had some beautiful notes and cards from friends, colleagues and students, telling me how I have impacted their lives. I appreciate every one of them. I also have people saying they will pray for my recovery. This is a complicated thing to hear. While I appreciate postive thoughts and people telling me they are thinking of me, the best I can hope for at this stage in my disease is a pain free and long(er) life. My hope is to make it beyond a year from my diagnosis.

I’m finding myself with a lot of questions these days. At school, when I present the kids with a big essential question, I ask them to write as many other questions on the topic that they can think of that might help them answer the big one.  For example, the question “Why are the orcas not successful in the Puget sound?” leads to so many more questions and they always come up with big wall of post it note questions!!!

Question: What’s the meaning of life? Here’s Stephen Fry’s response https://www.rte.ie/player/series/the-meaning-of-life-with-gay-byrne/SI0000001819?epguid=IH000322841 and I think it’s an interesting video. Funnily enough the same question came up in an episode of call the midwife https://youtu.be/WiZZ1RBVJMI! At the end of Monty Python’s “Meaning of Life”, the host from “The Middle of the Film” opens an envelope and blandly reveals the meaning of life: “Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations” (and I will add, sexual identity).

I’ve also been thinking a lot about language around cancer. From the start of this, I didn’t want to think of myself as “battling” my cancer. Thinking of fighting against something inside me didn’t feel right. Reading https://powerfulpatients.org/2019/04/24/words-matter-why-cancer-isnt-a-game-of-winners-or-losers/ really connected with me. I’m not waging a way against my tumor, I’m living with it. Doctors tried to quell the growth and advancement of my disease, but no matter how positive I am, my “attitude” and “fight” won’t make a difference. I can, however, enjoy whatever time I have and stay as positive in myself as I have always been. I recommend everyone read the article above completely. It’s an interesting shift in perspective for many people.

Update: I’ve had three (?) rounds of Avastin infusions, every other Tuesday so far. This infusion is not going to halt or reverse tumor growth. Rather, it will help with the symptoms that I’m experiencing from the tumor. Before the Avastin, my arm and leg on my left side had been completely unable to be moved. Since I’ve started these infusions, I’m now able to scratch my head with my left hand! This may seem like a small milestone, but to me it’s really exciting. I’m hoping that the Avastin will continue to help my physical symptoms as I continue to have more infusions

Project risingwild is More than i. Ever hoped for! Such a focus for me as I navigate this journey

Daily routine

-wake up

-meditate and write my gratitudes

Breakfast then pt

Poop! Very important

(Connect with my community supports (mess on social media and whatsapp)

-walk

11 am nap for an hour

Walk

Hang with family

Dinner and bed!