I have had some beautiful notes and cards from friends, colleagues and students, telling me how I have impacted their lives. I appreciate every one of them. I also have people saying they will pray for my recovery. This is a complicated thing to hear. While I appreciate postive thoughts and people telling me they are thinking of me, the best I can hope for at this stage in my disease is a pain free and long(er) life. My hope is to make it beyond a year from my diagnosis.

I’m finding myself with a lot of questions these days. At school, when I present the kids with a big essential question, I ask them to write as many other questions on the topic that they can think of that might help them answer the big one.  For example, the question “Why are the orcas not successful in the Puget sound?” leads to so many more questions and they always come up with big wall of post it note questions!!!

Question: What’s the meaning of life? Here’s Stephen Fry’s response https://www.rte.ie/player/series/the-meaning-of-life-with-gay-byrne/SI0000001819?epguid=IH000322841 and I think it’s an interesting video. Funnily enough the same question came up in an episode of call the midwife https://youtu.be/WiZZ1RBVJMI! At the end of Monty Python’s “Meaning of Life”, the host from “The Middle of the Film” opens an envelope and blandly reveals the meaning of life: “Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations” (and I will add, sexual identity).

I’ve also been thinking a lot about language around cancer. From the start of this, I didn’t want to think of myself as “battling” my cancer. Thinking of fighting against something inside me didn’t feel right. Reading https://powerfulpatients.org/2019/04/24/words-matter-why-cancer-isnt-a-game-of-winners-or-losers/ really connected with me. I’m not waging a way against my tumor, I’m living with it. Doctors tried to quell the growth and advancement of my disease, but no matter how positive I am, my “attitude” and “fight” won’t make a difference. I can, however, enjoy whatever time I have and stay as positive in myself as I have always been. I recommend everyone read the article above completely. It’s an interesting shift in perspective for many people.

Update: I’ve had three (?) rounds of Avastin infusions, every other Tuesday so far. This infusion is not going to halt or reverse tumor growth. Rather, it will help with the symptoms that I’m experiencing from the tumor. Before the Avastin, my arm and leg on my left side had been completely unable to be moved. Since I’ve started these infusions, I’m now able to scratch my head with my left hand! This may seem like a small milestone, but to me it’s really exciting. I’m hoping that the Avastin will continue to help my physical symptoms as I continue to have more infusions

Project risingwild is More than i. Ever hoped for! Such a focus for me as I navigate this journey

Daily routine

-wake up

-meditate and write my gratitudes

Breakfast then pt

Poop! Very important

(Connect with my community supports (mess on social media and whatsapp)

-walk

11 am nap for an hour

Walk

Hang with family

Dinner and bed!